Have you ever had great expectations from an event, a person, a child and then had a delusion because things had run different?
The more we wish the less we grab. At least I got this from my experience.
Please, don’t misunderstand me! Of course to build any project in our life we need preparation, concentration, and determination. To strengthen our relationships we have to invest in time, trust, generosity. To be proud of our children we have to be consistent in our behaviour, never be lazy, learn to listen to them and be able to recognize our mistakes.
Nothing happens for a case, we reap what we sow, don’t we? But the strongest effort doesn’t guarantee our success, not just as we figured it.
So why don’t we loosen our uneasiness, undertake our wishes and concentrate our effort for realizing that what we do is the only way for us, no matter the reward, because we do believe in the whole path, not only in the goal?
No, folks, I don’t aspire to be Kirkegaard’s knight of faith. I only experienced that my highest joys came whenever I was not focus on the expected result, because when it arrived I felt something more than satisfaction: I call it surprise. And I’ve been able to archive my failures when they were not accompanied with disillusion.
Mostly with children we don’t have to ask much, to claim to be rewarded with their success of the effort we spent for them, was it our time, money or projects we made.
The more we act for our children’s sake, the less we have to believe that we deserve to met our expectations. Let’s equip our children with all the possible instruments so that they can make their choices at their best, but…let them live their own lives, let them make their mistakes.
I’ve found inspiration in Montessori education to get support on my approach. My daughter had the luck to grow up for two years in a Montessori context in her Chinese kindergarten. But now we don’t live there anymore and, even choosing the best school for her education, the prize component to push the activities is always creeping round the corner. Most, the real world is not built with Montessori approach. In our times children are still discriminated, subdued, influenced. Their voice is not listened, their ideas not trusted, their times not respected. It is important to cope with and to oppose to that. My daughter exactly knows that Italian parmesan doesn’t contain carbohydrates, but the teacher made a double check with the mother before giving her more when she asked for; she is truly aware of the value of things, but when she carefully browsed a book in the bookshop she was warned by the salesclerk not to spoil it; when we dine together she likes to tell stories and she listens all that we say, but sometimes adults don’t care her voice or speak inappropriately as she wasn’t there.
As a parent, I do think that my task of educator is to remove such obstacles from her path as long as she doesn’t have the strength or the authority to do by herself, and then let her free.